We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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