so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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