no, he came in my armpit
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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