Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
