I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize