In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
