I have demons in me.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
