she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
