He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Randomize
