i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize