hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
