Will you blow on my dice?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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