I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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