I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
