My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
