I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
