I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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