She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
