Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
