Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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