Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize