Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
