i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
