That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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