Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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