just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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