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Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
