i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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