i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize