So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize