I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
