I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
