I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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