I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Two words: nipple clamps
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