Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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