i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
