Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
