so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
