Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
