All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
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