he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
