why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
