It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
