Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
he shaved USA in his pubs
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
