i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
