i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
