i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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