dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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