WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
