I'm going to jail i love you
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
