it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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