Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
