I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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