cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
