also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
