I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
