no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
