He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
