We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
