U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Randomize
