I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
