:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize