I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
