That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm passing your future prison.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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