She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
