i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
