The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
