she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
