i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
lol hangovers are for mortals.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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