just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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