hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
